Tears for Fears

I just wrote and posted this for Faithful Feet, but I also wanted to share it here.

Tears for Fears

You know, I never really “got” (or even thought about) this band’s name back in the **cough, cough** 80’s **cough, cough**.  Okay, come on…Tears for Fears…”Shout, shout, let it all out…these are the things I can do without, come on…I’m talkin’ to you.” Oh, and “Sowing the seeds of love, the seeds of love…” and one more…”Ev-ry-bo-dy wants to rule the world…”  Okay, if you don’t recognize this **umhm** 80’s English pop rock band by now, then you just must have missed them.  Now, I will say this…after going back and reading the lyrics to these songs and others of theirs, I must say they were a troubled duo whose writing was very deep, and even political and sometimes even dark.  Of course, when I was originally singing along to these songs (picture the BIG 80’s hair, neon clothes, jelly shoes and all), I really was clueless as to the depth of what I was singing along to (and sometimes banging my head to…no, not to Tears for Fears…Hair Bands…YES, I admit it! I was a child of the 80’s!  There, I said it.)

All of that aside, the reason I was reminded of them recently is because I found myself sitting in my living room with my precious four-year-old son in my lap reading the Caring Bridge website updates of a dear cousin’s five-year-old daughter who just in the past couple of weeks was found to have a brain tumor.  As I read the update of her surgery, which basically said that they could not remove it and will have to treat with only chemo and radiation at this point, I had sudden, uncontrollable tears flowing.  I held my son tightly and kissed him as he asked me, “Mommy, are you crying?  Why are you sad?”  Whether you are a parent or not, you understand the tears that were flowing.  Tears for fears.

Though the band actually extracted its name from a line in a book that said “tears as a replacement for fears”, I would have to say that my tears were not so much a replacement for my fears but rather an outward, uncontrollable expression of my fears.

Fears…we all have them.  When the reality of them hits you in the face as it has me recently, you must admit that there are so many fears related to so many what if’s that we don’t even realize the fears we have until we are forced to do so.

A dear friend or relative’s child, very near the age of your own child, has a sudden, unexpected diagnosis.  A loved one is involved in some sort of trauma – car accident, bike accident, fall from a horse, 4-wheeler accident, you name it.  A person near and dear to you “falls from grace”…very publicly (as if any of us could truly “fall from grace”…really, grace is grace…there is no falling from it…anyway, that’s another subject).  Someone you know just discovered she is no longer going to give birth to the tiny baby that was growing inside of her.  Three dear friends, in a row, discover they have breast cancer.  The person you know who was once in remission and “cured” has suddenly relapsed.

The list could go on and on, but honestly, this list is pretty much exactly scripted from my recent life, much of it within the past week or two.  No, none of it has happened to me directly, but to many who are near and dear to me.  Don’t think I’m looking for sympathy.  I bet most of you reading this could script a very similar list for yourselves.  As a matter of fact, maybe some of those things HAVE happened directly to you…not just to someone you know.

Regardless…it’s times like these that really do make you face reality and the fears of all of the possible “What if this happens to me or my_____(you fill in the blank)!?!”

What do you do?

1.  Hug that “What If?” loved one that you are thinking about.  Kiss them, squeeze them, tell them you love them.
2.  Don’t try to figure it out and think it all through.  “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  Matthew 6:34
3.  RUN to the cross!!!  Crawl up in His arms and cry out to Him.  Sob to Him.  Yell at Him if you must.  Whine to Him.  Explain to Him, if you just have to.  GIVE THOSE AND ALL OF YOUR FEARS TO HIM…AGAIN…AND AGAIN!!!!

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  1 Peter 5:7  and then don’t forget to follow what’s in the next verses…”Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.  And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”  1 Peter 5:8-11

Give Him your Tears…and your Fears…over and over and over again.

Headache, Pain, Misery

So, I woke up today with a headache.  Not too abnormal for me.  Some are worse than others, but I have gotten so used to them (thanks to the blessing of TMJdisorder, which my doctor diagnosed me with in high school and said it was because I talked too much!  Ha!  Yeah, right! Puh-leeze!).  A dose of regular old extra-strength Excedrin usually does the trick pretty quickly, if needed.  A good neck/shoulder massage from my husband is usually just what the doctor ordered for those stronger headaches.  Often, though, I am able to go about my day and not even realize I have a headache...like I said...I have grown quite accustomed to them.

As I was reading about Jesus' crucifixion this morning, while I was enduring this headache and waiting for the Excedrin to kick in, I was struck very deeply.  Our Savior was enduring excruciating, flesh-ripping, joint-dislocating, muscle-tearing, lung-compressing, heart-stopping pain as He was hanging by nails on a tree dying...for us. 

During all of the lingering time He was dying yet still living on that cross, He never once attempted to numb or even stop the pain. 

He was tempted to during the mocking of the onlookers. 

He could have done it. 

He could have come down. 
(He did rise from the dead and ascend to heaven just a few days later, after all.) 

The soldiers even attempted to help Him numb the pain by offering Him a sedative drink near the end, which He refused. 

He knew His work and purpose. 

He knew He had to endure and conquer death in all its fullness, a death that most humans will never have to endure on this earth because it is (and was even then) considered so cruel and inhumane.  He had to face and endure that death, unsedated, as He became our sin...all sin - past, present, and future...in order to pay the ultimate and final penalty for it so that we would not have to. 

WOW! 

What can you say to that!?! 

I believe...I accept...I repent...Thank you!

Sorry to be so graphic, but sometimes we just need to stop and remember the depth and realism of what our Savior did for us and the magnitude of what He offers us.

And to think...we complain about a little headache!

The Blues really Jazz me up!

(Photos courtesy of New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival 2010 - a.k.a. "Jazz Fest")

I really love the Blues! 

And, Jazz, too, for that matter. 

There's something about the beats, the bass, and the often raspy voice of the soul singer. 

Oh, and how I love the way a Blues Guitar sings.

And the horns & woodwinds...can't forget them!

Often my favorite parts of the bluesy, jazzy riffs.

Though the name "Blues" and even the theme of many of the songs

may sometimes sound a little like a downer,

I usually find myself ranging from

chilled out & peaceful to energized & unavoidably toe-tapping

while tuning in to my favorite local New Orleans Jazz & Blues radio station, WWOZ 90.7FM.  (http://www.wwoz.org/ - Check them out online - They're almost always playing something good, if this is your fare, too.)

All of this kind of makes me think about something I was just reading in 2 Chronicles 20.  See, the people of Judah, under the leadership of Jazzy Jehoshaphat (I had to do something to Jazz up that name!) were being faced with some pretty tough circumstances.  A vast army of people - the same people whom God previously would not let Israel/Judah invade nor destroy - these powerful and numerous people were coming to make war with Jehoshaphat and the people.

I would say the people of Judah in some ways were really feeling the Blues at this point! 

"We had to let them go when we had the chance to catch them off guard and do them in...and now look how we might be repayed!  We can't beat them now, and if we don't we may lose this precious inheritance we have." 

But the neat thing about this story is that through the great leadership and example of their King Jazzy J (Jehoshaphat...bear with me here!), they ALL came together (ALL of the people of Judah) to seek help from the Lord.

As he, their king, prayed to the Lord in front of them all, he reminds the Lord, himself, and the people of Judah that:

1.  God is sovereign.

2.  Power and might are in God's hand (no one can withstand Him).

3.  God drove the previous inhabitants out of the land for them...AND

4.  God gave the land to Israel (Judah) forever as their inheritance.

Then, after praying a little more, he ends the prayer...well...like this:

"We have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us.  We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You."  (2 Chronicles 20:12)

Then, as all the men of Judah stood there before the Lord with their wives, children, and little ones, the word of the Lord came to them through one who was there saying:

"Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God's...You will not have to fight this battle.  Take up your positions;  stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you."  (2 Chronicles 20:15-17)

Then, led first by their king, the ALL fell down with their faces to the ground and worshipped before the Lord.

Tomorrow came...

And as they set out, not wasting any time, King Jehoshaphat stood up and led them saying:

"Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem!  Have faith (actively believe) in the Lord your God and you WILL be upheld;  have faith in His prophets and you WILL be successful."  (2 Chronicles 20:20 - emphasis mine)

Then, here's a really cool part to me...he appointed some men to go out ahead of the army singing to the Lord and praising Him for the splendor of His holiness and saying, "Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever."

AND...

As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men who were invading Judah and the enemy was defeated!

The enemies even ended up destroying each other!  No one escaped!!!

There was so much plunder that it took THREE DAYS to collect it...and on the fourth day they assembled and praised the Lord!

Then, again led by their king, they all returned joyfully to Jerusalem, for the Lord had given them cause to rejoice over the enemies.  Once back in Jerusalem, they went straight into the temple...with their instruments!

The fear of God came upon all the kingdoms of the countries...when they heard how the Lord fought against the enemies of Israel.

The kingdom of Jehoshaphat was at peace, for God had given him peace on every side.

Now, that's some toe-tappin, foot-stompin, knee-slappin, soul-soothin Blues!!!

The people of Judah gave their Blues to God, and He turned their Blues into a Jazzy Jam-session of Victory and Peace! 

If you don't believe me...read 2 Chronicles 20.

I ain't makin this up, Honey!

Core Performance - Endurance

What goes through your mind when you hear those words? 

Pilates? 
Strength & Conditioning Training / Sports Performance? 
Painful, exhausting thoughts of straining and struggling through a strenuous workout? 
Holding a difficult position as stably as possible for far longer than any human being should have to much less be able to?

And just why would anyone put themselves through any or all of the above?  Do tell!

Hmmm...maybe to "improve performance and prevent injuries"...hmmmm...okay, yeah, maybe that's it.  At least according to the subtitle of one of my husband's Strength & Conditioning books. 

I must admit, as much as those thoughts are all quite excruciating to me...it does make sense.  You know the physical side of it, I'm sure.  You work to target strengthening your "core" muscles so that you can have more stability.  You work to build up your endurance so that you can, well, endure (without passing out rather embarrassingly on the floor).  Ultimately both make you more healthy and more safe in your everyday life because you end up taking strain off of the wrong muscles and joints as well as taking strain off of a weak cardiovascular system...because you have strengthened the right muscles, including your heart. 

Why do we need to work to strengthen our core and increase our endurance?

So we can stand strong and endure, with grace, days like my today. 

Thankfully it wasn't one of those out-right BAD days.  It was just one of "those" days.  You know...you've had 'em.  Nothing is going horribly wrong, but you just don't feel "right". 

Work wasn't difficult, but it was a bit taxing on the energy.  Then, I found out I didn't know about a wedding shower of a dear relative-to-be and would have to miss it because of other necessary life plans.  Those life plans being that I had to take two very heavy loads of laundry over to my dear sister's house to wash and dry, since I (truly led by the Lord, though I may sound like I am complaining at the moment) actually decided to give away our great condition washer and dryer a year and a half ago when we did not need them at the time.  (I NEVER get rid of stuff...EVER...but I DID do this, and I DO NOT regret it...it's just a little taxing at the moment, now that we need one again.)  Then, as I was walking out of the house with the two heavy loads...the bottom was falling out of the sky...yes, it was raining cats and dogs!  Oh, well.  Thank the Lord for ballcaps!  So, on my brief jaunt to dear sister's house, I turned on the radio, needing and wanting to hear some soothing and encouraging Christian music...and, of course...NEITHER of the two stations I like the most were coming in AT ALL!!!  (Thanks to the lovely downpour, I suppose.)  Thankfully my husband nor my sister and her family witnessed the moment of emotion that briefly overtook me and had me shedding a few releasing tears.  Sometimes you just need a few moments alone.

All of that to say that, if I had not been targeting my "core" and seeking to increase my endurance...all spiritually speaking now...without His Strength and Calming Reassurance...I would have quite possibly completely fallen apart and gone to utter pieces.  I would have continued to wallow in self-pity, rather than tightening those core muscles and pressing through with Endurance I could never have on my own.  I may have even gotten injured either by my own self and/or by someone who really didn't mean to cause me any pain, much less injury.   

No, thankfully He reminded me that:
 - I HAVE a job (that is quite a nice set-up at the moment) and though that job can be a little taxing sometimes, it's much better than what many have or even don't have
 - and that we are now close enough geographically to a large portion of our family that even when we have to miss some of the special gatherings, we will have plenty more opportunites for getting together with them in the days to come...something I longed for when we lived thousands of miles away for two years
 - and that My family and I HAVE clothes that get dirty (and still have clothes to wear when those are dirty...remember...I don't get rid of hardly ANYTHING! )
 - and that we HAVE a house (that does not have a washer and dryer, but so what!?!  That family that needed it far more than we did is surely still using it and may not have had other alternatives like we do in our time without the duo.) 
 - and that He does send the rain...not always at what we feel are the most opportune times, but when He knows we need it most
 - and that sometimes I need to just sit in silence and listen to the rain...He speaks through the rain
 - and that I was able to spend some dear, sweet, unassuming time with my sister and her family...while washing my family's stinky dirty laundry
 - and quite possibly the best reminder of all that He gave me was that "This too shall pass!" 

When times are tough...or just so-so...or even good...tighten that CORE and press on with endurance...for "This too shall pass!"

And then, don't forget to "Relax...God's in charge!"

Sounds like a Memory

Can you hear it?

The old-time ice cream freezer churning...

The birds chirping...

The crickets calling each other...

The wind blowing through the trees...

The flags waving and whipping in the wind...

The laughter of family and friends...

The sizzling of the food on the grill...

The splashing of the kids in the kiddie pool...

And, of course, the flies buzzing by...

Can you hear it...the sound of a memory being made?

Even if you can't literally hear it, I know you just experienced a bit of it just then, if only for a second.

Now, try to hear the sounds of some other memories that have been made...maybe ones not so pleasant.

Can you hear them?

The guns firing...

The bullets whizzing by too close for comfort...

The cries of fear and pain...

The shouts of victory...

How about the whip lashing across the skin of His back...

And the clang of the nails being driven...

And the mocking, taunting, and name-calling...

And, one of the best sounds of all...not in anguish...not whispered...

In a LOUD, confident voice...

IT IS FINISHED!!!

His work is done, give thanks and remember it always!  Receive it if you haven't already.  His blood is for you...this Memorial Day and every day.

What memories!  Treasure them!

To Change or Not To Change...

...That is the question.  Or not. 

Yes, you see that I have drastically changed the appearance of my blog. 
No, I am not asking whether or not I should. 

...That is not the question.

However, as so many changes are going on around me these days, from moving into a new house and out of a storage unit to finding out my sister who has a four-month-old baby girl is now expecting another baby almost exactly a year from when this precious one was born...as all of these things and more are going on, I am again contemplating how life is just full of changes.

Change is inevitable.  Change can be good...or not.  Change can be joyous and bring peace...or it can be unbearably grueling and uncomfortable. 

People change...though some don't change as much as we think they should!  Looking back I am thankful for the changes in my life and in who I am.  I am me and always have been, though over time I have become different in many ways...hopefully better.  I once thought I was fine just the way I was.  I had it all figured out.  Thankfully God knew better and directed (sometimes forced) me down paths that inevitably shaped me more into who I am intended to be.  And He is still doing that.  Aren't you glad!?! 

So, that kind of changing in people is good...but what about when people don't remain true to their word?  What about when they change their mind and/or change their plans and it affects you and me?  What about when they go back on their word after making promises and sealing them with handshakes, pinky swears, or even more serious tokens such as wedding rings?  Those kinds of changes hurt.  No two ways about it.  They are hard.  They are most often unfair and even unexpected.  Are you one who has been on the receiving end of this kind of change?  Even more to the heart of it...have you been on the giving end of this kind of change?  I can safely venture to say that you (& I) have been on both sides of this situation any number of times in our lives.

I can't fix the hurtful situations for you.  I can't promise you things will always go the way you want them to or think they should.  I can't promise you people will be fair to you throughout the rest of your life.  I can't even promise you that you will be fair to those who are important in your life from this day forward. 

One thing I can promise you...a time-tested truth and promise to stand on.  Our God...Our Father...Our Daddy...Our Lover of Our Soul...HE NEVER CHANGES!  HE IS FAITHFUL TO HIS PROMISES TO US...HIS CHILDREN...HIS BRIDE...ALWAYS!!! 

I know...you may be going through some things that cause you to question all of that, including His very existence.  I have been there, too.  Not too long ago.  But, here I am, in just a short time from being flat on my back feeling hopeless, helpless, pointless, and purposeless...here I am telling you all of this with more assurance than I have ever had in my entire life, even going back to the times when I had all of the Bible knowledge I thought I could ever have and was even teaching others about the Bible.  Even then, I did not know Him in the true-grit, honest and real-to-the-core way that I do now.  It took that in-the-depths-of-despair point in my life to strip away all of the pretension and assumption of my previous life and force me to get real with Him so that He could be Real with me. 

And now I can say to you and to all who can read and hear what I have to say...GREAT is HIS Faithfulness...He changes NOT...and His Compassions NEVER fail.  His Mercies are NEW EVERY MORNING!  No matter what you did last night or a few minutes ago...His Mercies are New!!!  Though weeping endures through the night, JOY comes in the morning! (Psalm 30:5)  He is so merciful, forgiving, and gracious. 

He is KIND.  It's His Kindness that leads to repentance...do you get that? (Romans 2:4) Once you really get in a real way how Kind He is...you can't help but see how kind you are not...you just can't help but repent.  And when you do, it's His blood that brings forgiveness.  Once and for all.  He died to wipe us clean because He is also righteous and pure and just and someone had to pay the required price/penalty for our sin in order for us to ever be welcomed into His presence.  And He did...His Son did.  That is Amazing Grace!  Undeserved.  But...a fulfilment of so many promises...promises to which He will always remain faithful.  His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime!  (Psalm 30:5)

Aren't you thankful that we can change...and that He doesn't!  That's not a question, by the way!

I leave you with something you really just need to read for yourself...click HERE.

Then, you also really need to watch this...trust me...click HERE.

Movin' Mudder

This is a post I wrote this week for another blog I write for, "Faithful Feet".  I wanted to share it here also, so that you all could know what's been going on with me these days.  Check out Faithful Feet when you get a chance, too.  We have several very diverse people from all over the world who wrote for it and post on Monday through Friday each week.

Without further adieu...

Movin' Mudder

Yep! That’s me! I’m a “Movin Mudder”! What!?! You don’t know what that is!?! No way!

No, seriously…as I was awakened by my sleepy 4-year-old son yesterday at 7:00AM, he said “Mommy, is this Mudder’s Day?” “Yes,” I groggily answered. “Well, you need to open your present,” he says. “Can I sleep a little bit longer first and THEN open my present?” “No, Mommy, you have to open it now. It’s Mudder’s Day!” So, of course, I opened the two sweet cards…a Garfield one from him and one from my husband…then, I opened the gift, which was really more of a gift from Dad to me, though my son was clueless and was just elated that I was opening a Mudder’s Day gift from him and Daddy. Then, we proceeded to rest our eyes together just a little longer before it was time to get up and start getting ready for church.

Then, after church and Mudder’s Day lunch (by the way, in case you haven’t figured it out…I’m talking about Mother’s Day…didn’t want to lose you there…) we proceeded to go to our new house together, all three of us, and continue with the unloading of the car into the house so that we can get settled in as soon as possible.

Yes, we are moving…again! I know you probably don’t know me enough to know that when I say “again”, I mean it! In our soon-to-be six years of marriage, we have lived in 5 different houses in 3 different states of the United States. Talk about UNITED…living thousands of miles away from anyone you ever knew and loved other than your spouse and child can most definitely UNITE you! (Oh, and by the way, in case you are wondering, NO, I am not a military wife, though I know it sounds like it. I did NOT sign up for this…but, of course God had other plans!)

Over the course of all of these moves, the last one before this being into my in-laws’ house with them, I have truly often felt like a vagabond, a nomad, even a perpetual house-guest. I have often longed for that one place in which we will finally “settle” and stay and put down roots and all that jazz. I have even felt sorry for myself at times.

Then, not too long ago, I was struck with the realization that, though I am not at all saying I am equal to Jesus, my nomadic life is much like that of Jesus’ life when He was on this earth. He didn’t own an earthly home…He didn’t even rent one! He went from place to place staying with friends and using every minute to either share His message or spend time alone with His Father. He didn’t have a need or desire to establish earthly “roots” or a plush life on this earth. Much to the contrary! The only earthly roots He intended to establish were those of building relationships that led to believing in Him and belonging to His eternal family and in turn becoming more like Him. (That was actually adapted from my previous church’s mission statement.) He didn’t need a soft pillow for His head, though I have found myself being sad that I have not for the past year had my own pillow nor bed to sleep in, since my entire house has been packed up in storage. However, when I look at our situation from a godly perspective, I completely see His hand in it all and am very thankful for our unique life.

He is truly and intently leading me on a mission for Him like no other. Places I would have never thought I would visit in my life, I have lived. People I never knew existed, I have met. Things I never thought I would ever get to do, I have done. All the while, growing more in a realization of my utter need for Him in every area of my life…I could never have made it through these past several years without Him. And, additionally, growing in a way that I have become so much more bold about sharing my faith in Him with others, yet much more in tune to how to do that without shoving it down their throat. I understand people so much more now that I have come to know so many more of them/us. I let Him bring me to people who need a relationship of some kind with me in their life and in turn they get an exposure to Him that they had no clue they would be getting out of the deal! They think they enjoy having me as their friend, but what they are really drawn to is the Jesus in me…and THAT’s what it’s all about!

So, from this tired exhausted nomadic vagabond of a “Movin’ Mudder”, I say go out there and be real today…to whomever you are around and wherever you are…LIKE IT OR NOT! That’s your Great Commission!

Go where He tells you to go, do what He tells you to do, say what He tells you to say…you have His authority…use it!

“Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:16-20)